Could it be Autism?
A Compassionate Guide for Parents
Social Communication + Interaction
Sensory Processing Differences
Repetitive Behaviors + Routines
Language + Communication
Most Common Presentations:
-
Preferring to play alone or struggle with typical back-and-forth social interactions.
-
Having a deep connection with you or others but expressing it in nontraditional ways.
-
Struggling with understanding unwritten social rules (e.g., how to join a group activity).
-
Finding eye contact uncomfortable or overwhelming.
Presentations That Often Go Unnoticed:
-
Appearing highly social but struggling to maintain friendships due to difficulty understanding social reciprocity.
-
Being deeply empathetic yet overwhelmed by others' emotions, leading to withdrawal or emotional shutdowns.
-
Mimicking or "scripting" social behaviors they’ve observed rather than naturally engaging in conversation.
-
Preferring structured social settings (e.g., role-playing games, specific group activities) but struggling with unstructured peer interactions.
-
Having an advanced vocabulary for their age but struggling with pragmatic language (e.g., knowing when to speak, how to stay on topic).
-
Using humor or sarcasm to navigate social situations but misunderstanding when others use it.
-
Appearing bossy or overly controlling in play because they struggle with flexible social problem-solving.
-
Showing extreme sensitivity to perceived rejection (rejection-sensitive dysphoria), even in neutral situations.
Most Common Presentations:
-
Covering ears at loud sounds or become distressed in certain textures/clothing.
-
Seeking out sensory input—rocking, spinning, or touching specific materials for comfort.
-
Having strong food preferences based on texture rather than just taste.
-
Showing extreme discomfort with bright lights, crowded spaces, or unexpected touch.
Presentations That Often Go Unnoticed:
-
Appearing clumsy or uncoordinated due to differences in proprioception (body awareness).
-
Seeming indifferent to pain (e.g., not reacting strongly to injuries) or, conversely, overreacting to minor discomfort.
-
Avoiding certain hygiene routines (e.g., hair brushing, tooth brushing) due to sensory discomfort rather than defiance.
-
Complaining about feeling "too much" or "too little" pressure when hugged or touched.
-
Appearing highly adaptable in public but melting down at home due to accumulated sensory stress.
-
Struggling with interoception, meaning they may not recognize when they're hungry, thirsty, or need the bathroom.
-
Being hyper-aware of small sensory details (e.g., noticing a buzzing light that no one else hears).
Most Common Presentations:
-
Engaging in repetitive movements like hand-flapping or pacing when excited or overwhelmed.
-
Deeply focusing on a favorite topic, memorizing facts and wanting to share them often.
-
Becoming distressed when routines change unexpectedly.
Presentations That Often Go Unnoticed:
-
Developing elaborate fantasy worlds or immerse themselves in storytelling as a form of structured, predictable play.
-
Having an intense need for closure (e.g., needing to finish a book, video, or task or experiencing distress).
-
Lining up objects or create patterns but not in a way that is immediately obvious as repetitive behavior.
-
Displaying perfectionism that leads to rigid expectations for themselves or others.
-
Engaging in more "socially acceptable" stimming like doodling, tapping, or hair twirling instead of overt movements like flapping.
-
Seeming excessively "rule-driven"—needing fairness, logic, or structure even in casual situations.
-
Repeating certain phrases or jokes in conversation without others realizing it's a type of echolalia.
Most Common Presentations:
-
Developing language later than peers or lose words they previously used.
-
Communicating more comfortably through gestures, scripts, or echolalia (repeating phrases).
-
Expressing thoughts and feelings differently, sometimes through intense emotion.
Presentations That Often Go Unnoticed:
-
Seeming very expressive at home but become nearly nonverbal in social situations (selective mutism, anxiety-driven shutdowns).
-
Relying on memorized social scripts but struggling to generate spontaneous responses.
-
Using advanced vocabulary but having difficulty with conversational turn-taking.
-
Misinterpreting figurative language (e.g., taking phrases literally like “hold your horses”).
-
Struggling with internal thoughts feeling “stuck” but being unable to verbalize them.
-
Relying on written or alternative communication even though they can technically speak.
-
Having an intense connection with music or rhythm, using it as a primary way to express emotion.
Most Common Presentations:
-
Engaging in repetitive movements like hand-flapping or pacing when excited or overwhelmed.
-
Deeply focusing on a favorite topic, memorizing facts and wanting to share them often.
-
Becoming distressed when routines change unexpectedly.
Presentations That Often Go Unnoticed:
-
Developing elaborate fantasy worlds or immerse themselves in storytelling as a form of structured, predictable play.
-
Having an intense need for closure (e.g., needing to finish a book, video, or task or experiencing distress).
-
Lining up objects or create patterns but not in a way that is immediately obvious as repetitive behavior.
-
Displaying perfectionism that leads to rigid expectations for themselves or others.
-
Engaging in more "socially acceptable" stimming like doodling, tapping, or hair twirling instead of overt movements like flapping.
-
Seeming excessively "rule-driven"—needing fairness, logic, or structure even in casual situations.
-
Repeating certain phrases or jokes in conversation without others realizing it's a type of echolalia.
Signs of Autism
Autism is a neurodevelopmental difference that affects how a person experiences the world. It isn’t a disease or a set of symptoms to “fix,” but rather a unique way of thinking, feeling, and interacting. Autism often presents in four key areas:
Most Common Presentations:
-
Preferring to play alone or struggle with typical back-and-forth social interactions.
-
Having a deep connection with you or others but expressing it in nontraditional ways.
-
Struggling with understanding unwritten social rules (e.g., how to join a group activity).
-
Finding eye contact uncomfortable or overwhelming.
Presentations That Often Go Unnoticed:
-
Appearing highly social but struggling to maintain friendships due to difficulty understanding social reciprocity.
-
Being deeply empathetic yet overwhelmed by others' emotions, leading to withdrawal or emotional shutdowns.
-
Mimicking or "scripting" social behaviors they’ve observed rather than naturally engaging in conversation.
-
Preferring structured social settings (e.g., role-playing games, specific group activities) but struggling with unstructured peer interactions.
-
Having an advanced vocabulary for their age but struggling with pragmatic language (e.g., knowing when to speak, how to stay on topic).
-
Using humor or sarcasm to navigate social situations but misunderstanding when others use it.
-
Appearing bossy or overly controlling in play because they struggle with flexible social problem-solving.
-
Showing extreme sensitivity to perceived rejection (rejection-sensitive dysphoria), even in neutral situations.
-
Most Common Presentations:
-
Covering ears at loud sounds or become distressed in certain textures/clothing.
-
Seeking out sensory input—rocking, spinning, or touching specific materials for comfort.
-
Having strong food preferences based on texture rather than just taste.
-
Showing extreme discomfort with bright lights, crowded spaces, or unexpected touch.
Presentations That Often Go Unnoticed:
-
Appearing clumsy or uncoordinated due to differences in proprioception (body awareness).
-
Seeming indifferent to pain (e.g., not reacting strongly to injuries) or, conversely, overreacting to minor discomfort.
-
Avoiding certain hygiene routines (e.g., hair brushing, tooth brushing) due to sensory discomfort rather than defiance.
-
Complaining about feeling "too much" or "too little" pressure when hugged or touched.
-
Appearing highly adaptable in public but melting down at home due to accumulated sensory stress.
-
Struggling with interoception, meaning they may not recognize when they're hungry, thirsty, or need the bathroom.
-
Being hyper-aware of small sensory details (e.g., noticing a buzzing light that no one else hears).
-
Most Common Presentations:
-
Engaging in repetitive movements like hand-flapping or pacing when excited or overwhelmed.
-
Deeply focusing on a favorite topic, memorizing facts and wanting to share them often.
-
Becoming distressed when routines change unexpectedly.
Presentations That Often Go Unnoticed:
-
Developing elaborate fantasy worlds or immerse themselves in storytelling as a form of structured, predictable play.
-
Having an intense need for closure (e.g., needing to finish a book, video, or task or experiencing distress).
-
Lining up objects or create patterns but not in a way that is immediately obvious as repetitive behavior.
-
Displaying perfectionism that leads to rigid expectations for themselves or others.
-
Engaging in more "socially acceptable" stimming like doodling, tapping, or hair twirling instead of overt movements like flapping.
-
Seeming excessively "rule-driven"—needing fairness, logic, or structure even in casual situations.
-
Repeating certain phrases or jokes in conversation without others realizing it's a type of echolalia.
-
Most Common Presentations:
-
Developing language later than peers or lose words they previously used.
-
Communicating more comfortably through gestures, scripts, or echolalia (repeating phrases).
-
Expressing thoughts and feelings differently, sometimes through intense emotion.
Presentations That Often Go Unnoticed:
-
Seeming very expressive at home but become nearly nonverbal in social situations (selective mutism, anxiety-driven shutdowns).
-
Relying on memorized social scripts but struggling to generate spontaneous responses.
-
Using advanced vocabulary but having difficulty with conversational turn-taking.
-
Misinterpreting figurative language (e.g., taking phrases literally like “hold your horses”).
-
Struggling with internal thoughts feeling “stuck” but being unable to verbalize them.
-
Relying on written or alternative communication even though they can technically speak.
-
Having an intense connection with music or rhythm, using it as a primary way to express emotion.
-
At North Haven, we understand how overwhelming it can feel when your child’s behaviors don’t align with what you expected. You may be wondering if their challenges are just a phase, if they’ll “catch up,” or if there’s something deeper going on. If you’ve landed here, it likely means you’re searching for answers—and that is an act of deep love.
One possibility you may be considering is autism. That word alone might stir up emotions—uncertainty, fear, even resistance. Many of us were raised in a society that misunderstood autism, portraying it only through extremes or deficits rather than recognizing it as a natural way of being. But here’s the truth: autism is not a tragedy, a brokenness, or something to be feared. Autistic people, when supported in environments that honor their needs, thrive.
This page is here to help you explore this possibility with openness and clarity, free from fear or outdated misconceptions. Let’s walk through it together.
"Why do some
traits go unnoticed?"
-
Many of these traits are mistaken for quirks, personality traits, anxiety, or "just being gifted."
-
Girls, AFAB (Assigned-Female-At-Birth) individuals, and those who naturally mask their differences often go undiagnosed because they observe and mimic others.
-
Some autistic individuals develop compensatory strategies, making struggles invisible until they burn out or reach adulthood.
-
Rigid thinking, perfectionism, or sensory sensitivities may be mistaken for anxiety, OCD, or ADHD rather than autism.
"When should I consider an Autism evaluation?"
If your child is showing differences in all four key areas—social communication, sensory processing, repetitive behaviors, and language/communication—seeking an autism evaluation is a valuable next step. While no single trait confirms an autism diagnosis, challenges across multiple areas strongly indicate that further assessment could provide clarity and guidance.
Why An Evaluation Matters
An autism evaluation can help you:
-
Understand your child's unique strengths and challenges
-
Determine whether autism best explains their experiences or if other factors like ADHD, anxiety, or sensory processing differences may be involved
-
Gain access to support, accommodations, and resources that can help your child thrive
-
Validate your concerns and equip you with tools to advocate for your child
If you’ve noticed signs that resonate with what we've described, trust your instincts. Even if others have dismissed your concerns, seeking more information is always a positive step forward. An evaluation doesn’t change who your child is—it simply helps you better understand their needs so you can support them in the best way possible.
"How do I even get an evaluation for my child?"
I know—this process can feel overwhelming, and you might be wondering where to even start. The good news is, you don’t have to figure it all out alone. Getting an autism evaluation often means navigating waitlists, making phone calls, and advocating for your child along the way, and we know that can be a lot. But take a deep breath—we’ve got your back.
You are already doing something incredible by seeking answers and support for your child. Even if it takes time to get an appointment, there are steps you can take right now to advocate for them and find support for yourself and your family. We’ve put together a guide to walk you through the entire process—from finding the right provider and getting on a waitlist to what you can do while you wait. You don’t have to do this alone. Let’s take it one step at a time, together.